"The Capitalists will sell us the rope with which we will hang them! " -Bolshevik leader Lenin
Well looks like Modi, the Capitalist has indeed sold the proverbial rope to the Commies and their pseudo cousins. The Left is cheering. Just when it seemed to have given up on its cherished but outdated ideals and looked all set to lose its long held bastion in Bengal, Leninism has come to their rescue with reinforced vigor. 2010 marks the revival of socialist India - an idea that could never stand the test of times has been given another lease of life. And it's looking divious this time. After accounting for the tragic landing of once high-flying Air India in 1953, the Nationalization wave has set its eyes on the pinnacle of sporting enterprise in India - the $4.13 billion Indian Premier League.
Trouble started when the black, the bad and the ugly, Lalit Modi was suspended over allegations of 'individual misdemeanours' complemented by irregular financial transactions. Everyone was hurt with all the malaise and black money surrounding the beloved league but none more so than Lalu Yadav, who at the floor of the house demanded its nationalization. Prakash Karat, watching the Parliamentary proceedings on T.V., punched a Politburo member sitting next to him in stomach and yelled, "Why can't you Politburo guys think of ingenious ideas like these? This would have brought back the lost laurels of Karl Marx!!". But Lalu knew that it had nothing to do with either Karl or Marx - it was about his breed of capitalism, the kind where you have the Wall Street i-banks being run by 3rd rate MBAs from IIPM! Now unlike Karat, Lalu knew the tenets of capitalism. He won't destroy it but tame it. After all, he's credited for delivering lectures at Harvard for nothing.
What Lalu orchestrated was indeed a political master stroke that powered his rise from being the paterfamilias of the hitherto unknown Bihar Cricket Association to the position of BCCI president. The idea, as reported, was to spread the franchise of IPL to the lesser privileged states – ones that don’t have Mallayas and Ambanis to put up a team for their millions of impoverished, downtrodden, and malnourished cricket fans. No prizes for guessing, Bihar and Jharkhand stepped in as new entrants in place of Kochi and Pune. Kochi & Pune are, at the time of writing, still blacklisted on the charges of unethical practices. Their faiths will be decided by a special team of Ministers involving Revenue, Power, I & B and of course, Sports. Laluji was, meanwhile, blessed with a healthy granddaughter during the course of his taking over as BCCI chief-cum-IPL commissioner. She has been reportedly named IPLiya, after Lalu’s unforeseeable change in fortune.
Other state governments too jumped on the IPL bandwagon in the name of ridding the game of corporate mumbo-jumbo. While R.R. Patil called for the ouster of Ambani hegemony from Mumbai Indians, Sena moved a bill for Maharashtrian quota for home players in the Legislative Assembly, making way for Ajit Agarkar to prolong his career as a fast bowler and keep defying biological science for another few years.
Under scanner for IT irregularities and accusations of promoting looks over talent and show over substance, Kolkata Knight Riders has been taken over by the Prakash Karat led CPI (M) and renamed Karat Knight Republic. Cautious of the sentiments attached with the brand name, China had advised Karat to stick to the initials KKR for the time being and left the full form on veteran communist’s discretion. KKR also became the first sports team to lay down guidelines for financial and ethical prudence. According to the guidelines, as a government enterprise it can't make more money than it has invested in a financial year; management can't fire players; players can call a bandh if they feel they are under-paid, under-bowled, or under-partied; management has to provide for under performance allowance; Sourav Ganguly cannot resign from captaincy even if he wants to; and Greg Chappal shall remain barred from entering Bengal on humanitarian grounds.
Not far away from Kolkata, Mamta Banerjee has been taken aback by the sudden loss of political attention and hence, offered to introduce Railways and Naxals as 11th and 12th team (not necessarily in that order) in the league.
Down south, as things were boiling up just before the grand opening ceremony of IPL-4 scheduled at Bangalore’s Chinnaswamy stadium, ‘Indian Culture’ connoisseur and Sri Ram Sene chief, Pramod Muthalik has reportedly warned Deepika Padukone to keep a safe one arm distance from Mallya Jr. Reports are also emerging from cricketing circles that Robin Utthappa is under pressure from factions of Ram Sene to change his name to Rabinder, for it sounds more Indian!
In a sudden twist of fate, the pitiable spectacle of Lalu’s cricketer son, Tejaswi Yadav carrying towels and water on ground in the last edition, has cost the owners of Delhi team their majority stake and Sehwag his captaincy. Tejaswi now finds himself as the owner, captain, and icon of Delhi Daredevils – all rolled into one.
But Sehwag’s IPL woos do not just end here. Deprived of captaincy, Sehwag may just have to sit out for the whole edition. As the story goes, on losing captaincy Veeru (quite naturally) terminated his contract and applied for Vijay Mallya’s ‘king-of-good-times’ camp, not knowing that changing teams required, under new government rules, providing verification proof to IPL governing council. Veeru’s ID proof got rejected from municipal corporation office due to a gross mismatch in his current scalp hair and his pre-transplant baldness. The dasher had reportedly shaved his head again before reapplying and is currently waiting for final clearances.
Well, that was the summary of events in the run up to the historic fourth edition of this truly premier league. The stage is almost set for the iconic games to begin a new chapter in Indian sporting history. And what better way to do so than have last year’s runners up Mumbai Indians face debutants Jharkhand Jwalaa in the opening game, starting in a few hours from now. Jharkhand Jwalaa, owned by Shibu Soren’s henchmen, also doubles up as JMM’s fund raising unit in elections. Guruji is even expected to pay his boys a visit during the match, making his first public appearance in months amidst strong rumors of a possible Alzheimer’s attack wrecking his old memory.
But irrespective of whether Guruji makes his presence felt or not, good-old, just-holding-on-to-solvency, Prasar Bharti definitely has done so by bagging the exclusive telecast rights for the league. Vans of DD Sports have been doing the rounds of the stadium ever since morning as the famous awesome two-some of Joginder and Maninder Singh jump on to their favorite commentary seats once again for the pre-match coverage. I am already in the midst of deja vu, as they get their first guest tonight - ex-captain of women’s cricket team - to talk to us and.........&#@%$&√*कृषषषषषषषषषष......!!!
Looks like a transmission glitch... will get back to you as soon as the pictures resume :)
(To be concluded...)
No comments:
Post a Comment