IPL 4 - The Raj Strikes Back (pt -2)

Continued from IPL4 - The Raj Strikes Back (pt-1)

IPL 4 is a landmark event in India’s sporting history – a cleansing exercise completely devoid of any sleaze and scum that had maligned and defamed India’s image like never before. Instead of grand opening ceremony of vulgar display of flesh and sleaze, Sports Ministry has ordered a mandatory screening of DevAnand's epic sports film, Awwal Number for all teams.
"Awwal Number is not just about Cricket, it’s about ethics and morality - a lesson for every talented upcoming cricketer on how not to let lure of money distract you from on-field slamboyance to off-field flamboyance" justifies Dev Anand, who was the special guest of honor on the historic occasion.

The movie commences, as the high and mighty of Indian politics take their places in the cheer girls deprived environment of Chinnaswamy stadium. With the lone exception of Dev Anand, no one is seen taking any particular interest in the movie. Andrew Symonds joins in late. Amazed at Dev Anand’s prolonged hamming, he turns to Dhoni, "Mate, who’s that schmuck??"
"He is Gregory Peck…" Dhoni comes out with the best possible reply.
"Isn’t he already dead?"
"No, this one never dies"

As the film approaches its closing reels, audience is projected to another chaotic loud climax where an unathletic Dev Anand, who is playing both the Police Commissioner of Mumbai as well as the chairman of selectors, foils a dangerous terrorist plot to bomb a cricket stadium that is hosting a live match.

After the movie, V.K. Malhotra, turns to the media persons, "See...thats what happens when you don't have the Police Commissioner multitasking as the chairman of Selectors – chaos and bloodshed. So, stop bickering about politicians taking over sports bodies and get on with your life." Vijay Kumar Malhotra, President of Archery Association of India (for 30 years) makes a very sensible point.
“The only way you will see Cricket accepted in Olympics, is by allowing me to continue.” Kalmadi joins in the chorus in the post screening, pre-match break.

Soon enough, we hear a loud cheer from the crowd as the two umpires along with the two captains step on the field for the all important toss. "It is Mumbai Indians vs. Jharkhand Jwaala guys, put on your seat-belts!", says the over-enthusiastic Doordarshan's sports anchor.

Mumbai bats first. Rules have been made clear to both captains. Mandal and Lewis system for equality and fairplay, designed by Arjun Singh has been put to use for the first time in any form of cricket. In order to make the SI (supremely impoverished) and SW (supremely weak) teams competent, rules have been 'bent'.
If a SI or SW bowler gets smacked for more than 20 runs in an over, the over will be considered finished and batsman will be fined 10,20 or 30% of his match fee, depending on the number of balls left undelivered.

Tendulkar, nevertheless, makes a mince meat of Jharkhand’s opening bowler (a wild card entry on Soren’s son’s peon’s neighbour’s liftman’s wife’s recommendation). Meanwhile, due to a sudden Alzheimer's attack, Shibu Soren jumps from his seat in an euphoric fashion and starts clapping and cheering for Mumbai instead of Jharkhand!! TV cameras catch the puzzled look of his supporters and party members before he’s taken away to hospital.

Action on field is halted as umpires are summoned by the referee on seeing the highly mismatched sides in the middle. Players are called off and innings is declared. Mumbai finishes with an impressive 237/0 in 11 overs. Target is revised to 37 under the Equality & Fair Play Act. Jharkhand still manages to lose by 20 runs.
Jacques Rogge, president IOC, who was watching the events unfold on TV, bans India from competing in Olympics for 20 years on the charges of “promoting mediocrity in the name of equality”.